We Can Do Better Than That!!!

The Last Five Years piece no one was asking for!!!

Thinking about how I brought this musical up in therapy last week, and my therapist said that they weren’t very familiar with it, which means I haven’t done my job!

Whenever I find myself going through a major life transition, you will catch me listening to The Last Five Years. A small musical that only ran for 2 months off-Broadway in 2002, starring THE Sherie Rene Scott and Norbert Leo Butz. One could say this musical is the backbone of my entire existence. I actually couldn’t tell you how I first got my hands on this insane musical, because it feels like it’s always been a part of me, like my red hair.¹ But JRB was a real freak for this one! Every note, every word, has hit me differently depending on the phase of life that I am in. Which is why it hit me quite viscerally last week, when I learned it was the 25th Anniversary of this heart-wrenching piece of Musical Theater?! There’s simply no way, but here we are with a legacy far larger than anyone could have imagined 25 years ago.

I stand arm in arm with the legions of musical theatre girlies who discovered this album when they realized that the one straight man in their high school musical was not into them, the one man in their theatre department was into other men, OR their male high school theatre teacher made an inappropriate advance on them (Too real?). The tinkle of those first keys on the piano as Cathy says, “Jamie is over and Jamie is gone, Jamie’s decided it’s time to move on," brings a tear to your eye after your first high school heartbreak (while simultaneously trying to decide if this is an appropriate 32-bar cut for your audition book). This line then hits differently in your 20s as you break free from the person who fully consumed you. The toxicity of the connection will hit you all at once when you’re on the other side, recognizing that it could have never worked long-term, but you will always remember it fondly. And in your 30s, when you realize that even though everything is great on paper, it’s just not right. It was never a fit. It’s a Rorschach piece of musical theatre that means whatever you need it to mean in the moment that you’re in.

Jason Robert Brown wrote this on a whim after being emotionally exhausted by Parade (another JRB banger that will tear you up from the inside) and being commissioned by Lincoln Center to write a new piece. It was apparently also inspired by his divorce from Theresa O’Neill, who sued him for violating their NDA for being too realistic in this portrayal of their relationship. And then he sued her in retort for interfering with his creative work and process?! God, I love relationship drama. (Excuse me, while I pause to go check on my hold on my copy of Strangers at the LAPL!! I’m thirsty for the Drama!!!)

It’s such a simple idea executed so well. If you aren’t familiar with the show (like my therapist), the structure of the show is that it’s a couple meeting from opposite ends of the relationship - Cathy at the end and Jamie at the beginning. Cathy is a theatre actor hitting the pavement, audition after audition, while her husband Jamie is a new hotshot young author getting lots of buzz. They only sing directly to each other at the same point in their relationship during The Next Ten Minutes, when Jamie proposes to Cathy, which gives me goosebumps every time I hear their voices blend and meet for the first time. The show ends in a devastating denouement with Jamie at the end of their relationship, while Cathy is filled with hope at the end of their first date. I’m tearing up now just thinking about it.

This album hits so hard because it perfectly encapsulates the feeling of falling head over heels in your 20s when that love consumes you entirely - red flags and all. Using the vaseline lens for all of the issues that will certainly return later, but you can’t be bothered with them, because the sex is just that great. Often, it’s also a great litmus test for you to recognize where you are at in your life: Are you currently the Cathy (Anxious Attachment), the Jamie (Avoidant Attachment), or the Audience (So fucking grateful to not be in this yo-yo emotional relationship)???

This is a photo shoot between siblings!!!

This show is also currently receiving a lot of attention because my queen, Rachel Zegler, and Ben Platt performed in a concert version of the show directed and conducted by Jason Robert Brown in London, Los Angeles, and New York earlier this month. We were also surprised by the release of a simultaneous live recording of the performance that came out last week. (This performance also comes a year after the show was revived for the first time on Broadway in 2025 with Adrienne Warren and Nick Jonas.)

Now, we will discuss the casting of this recent anniversary performance initially with great compliments. Ben and Rachel² have INCREDIBLE voices and a magnetic stage presence. I planned most of my last trip to London specifically to see her in Evita (and am so thrilled it will be making its way stateside in 2027!), and it was worth every single penny (including when I almost physically ran into Rosie O’Donnell before the show). That tiny little diva has so much power inside of her!!

However, this is not a musical where I’m looking for technically great singers first. We need actors who can convey the raw, unhealed emotion of a break-up that has made you make worse decisions than choosing to get bangs through their voice³. But the difference between Rachel’s voice singing Still Hurting 6 years ago at this random performance and at the Hollywood Bowl is astounding. We love the vibrato in her voice at the Bowl, but it feels too controlled for the guttural grief that you experience after this person leaves your life with all of the wreckage in their wake. I need the pain! I need the sorrow! Not the breath support!

This is why we come back to Sherie on the OBC time and time and time again. The pain in her voice when she gets to the “and I,” in See I’m Smiling?! You can feel the exhaustion of trying to make this relationship work, but no one is ready to admit that it’s over. It’s a fine line to walk, but Sherie makes it feel effortless, and we lean in every time we press play.

Now, Mr. Ben. We love Ben. We worship at the altar of his cover of Diet Pepsi. Now, when it comes to male musical theatre performers who I think could believably pull women left and right regardless of their sexuality, respectfully, he wouldn’t even make my top 10! Ben may have the voice, but he does not possess the absolute RIZ that Norbert Leo Butz has oozing out of every single consonant in Shiksa Goddess. The connection you feel while listening to The Schmuel Song often has me rewind the last 60 seconds of the song, because I’ve convinced myself that he’s telling me he’s in love with me! (The Schmuel Song is vastly underrated and my personal Jamie song of choice, hands down every time!)⁴

Jamie is supposed to be the guy in your 20s (and if we’re being honest, he’s probably still like this in his 40s+) that every single woman is in love with, and you’re constantly competing with for his attention. But you will never be number one when he realizes his options are endless and you are cast aside. Man, I miss being in my 20s! And from the few clips I’ve seen of Ben as Jamie at the Hollywood Bowl…. I hate to say it, but I just don’t see it! Especially regarding the chemistry between Rachel and Ben, again, we love them, but they feel much more like siblings to me! ⁵

This was an absolutely wild hyperfixation during Covid.

If I were to choose my personal dream casting, for anyone who cares, I would cast Reneé Rapp and Anthony Cipriano (pre-break-up), specifically in 2020. I know Reneé is openly loud and queer now, but we reeeeeally missed the boat for her and Anthony doing The Last Five Years during Covid. They were constantly making videos singing together while they were quarantined. These two doing this show would have hit like a bump of Coke into my system!!! I don’t know why I’m making that comparison as someone who has never done Coke, but I can imagine it would feel the same!

If you aren’t familiar, and on my insane corner of the internet, Reneé and Anthony dated and lived together during Covid, before Reneé rightfully decided it was time to be fully queer (after winning the Jimmy Awards several years prior with her voice that is not of this world! Anthony is also a Jimmy Awards alum), and apparently, he also was not a great partner (from my Reddit sleuthing). If you weren’t on the same corner of the internet watching their videos together while everyone else was watching Tiger King - I’ll point you to a few from my personal YouTube Criterion performance Collection here: (Hadestown, Heathers). The way that their voices blend?! Could you imagine them on Goodbye Until Tomorrow / I Could Never Rescue You?! Inject it in my veins! But alas, that is a fantasy that will live in my brain forever. ⁶

A film adaptation starring Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan was released in 2015. It sanitized so much of the show with a pop hook, stripping everything that I loved from it. I haven’t revisited it since it came out, and I feel incredibly okay with that. However, the film adaptation is the backdrop for one of my favorite memories with my dearest friend, Andi. We were both 25 years old, each with our own insane relationship to this show, dealing with our individual mental illness with men in Chicago, and excited to watch this movie. I purchased a 48-hour rental that we watched on my laptop on my coffee table on the floor of my tiny little studio. I lit candles so we could watch it in the dark while eating veggie nuggets and drinking wine. There isn’t much that I would return to my twenties for, but this specific memory I would put in a bottle to return to at any moment if I could.

I can’t believe I’ve managed to write 2,000 words about this insane show without touching on what I consider to be my favorite song in this show: I Can Do Better Than That. And more specifically, a performance of it by Cynthia Erivo at Marie’s Crisis in 2015/6. I couldn’t tell you when I stumbled upon this video or how, but I know that I’ve watched it multiple times a week since I discovered it years ago.⁷ This cover is in my regular rotation of Cynthia Erivo performances / musical theatre performances that I watch on YouTube, when I need to feel something.

I’m not going to be the first or last to say this, but Cynthia is a freak of nature. The way that we go on a journey with her as Cathy during this performance should be studied. Every word, every single note she hits in this impromptu performance mirrors the feelings of Cathy exploding with her new feelings of the potential of what could be with Jamie. And when she hits that run of notes on “Totally mine”, I can feel the swell in my own chest of this love for him. I’m telling you, there is nothing quite like this performance from her. When she gets quiet like she’s nervous to say all of this out loud?! The missed words, the joy, the excitement take you with her like you’re falling in love for the first time. But that is also because of the genius of Jason Robert Brown in the composition of this song.

This song encapsulates the promise that you feel at the beginning of a new connection. You promise yourself that you will never end up in a mediocre relationship like a friend of yours. You would never! You can do better than that! And yet! It’s so easy to get blinded by the swell of new feelings and connection to not see where this could all go awry.

This all builds into an incredible switch-up in POV from Cathy talking about her past relationships and disappointments to her talking directly to Jamie about how this could work, and she would accept any version of him. She loves him as he is. That feeling of new, intoxicating love needs to be bottled and sold at every single CVS when you feel that the other person sees you exactly for who you are, like no one has ever before. The delusion you can only experience when your frontal lobe isn’t fully formed quite yet. You’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. Oscar Wilde said it best: it’s the importance of being so damn earnest!!! And if Jamie turned down this offer, he would be crazy!!!

However, I do have a bone to pick with the bridge of I Can Do Better Than That - Cathy is listing all of the things Jamie doesn’t need to do for her to love him. This is a sweet sentiment in your teens and 20s when you listen to this show, but in my 30s, I have some notes! Cath, you need to have more standards for yourself! I’ve taken it upon myself to rank these from least to most egregious:

Ranking:

8) You don’t have to learn to tango

Unless we’re talking about the Cell Block, I feel neutral about it!

7) You don’t have to like Duran Duran

Should I be listening to Duran Duran?

6) You don’t have to eat prosciutto

Then there’s more for me! I’m not mad at that!

5) You don’t have to change a thing

It would be nice to see you grow a little bit!

4) You don’t have to get a haircut

Having a shape-up is a healthy thing! You should get your ends trimmed regularly!

3) You don’t have to change your shoes

I guess this depends on how literal we’re being: Are you never changing your actual shoes? We can’t have a stinky foot! But if it’s a signature style of the same type of shoe? I guess that’s not the worst thing! …Unless your signature style is Vibrams, then we need to discuss your footwear choice. I can’t handle a shoe that emphasizes how much your toe looks like a finger.

2) You don’t have to watch the news

In the year of our Lord 2026, you'd better be watching the news! We’re in hell! And if you’re not watching the news AND not voting, don’t even think about talking to me!

1) You don’t have to put the seat down

The bar is in hell, and if you’re not putting the toilet seat down, that tells me everything about you as a human!!!

There is nothing quite like the ugliness and messiness of heartbreak to remind you of what it is to really be alive and let another person into every messy part of yourself. As painful as it can be, I will always take a chance on the next relationship that could hurt me instead of closing myself off. Life is too short not to let the beautiful, ugly feelings of love in. Love and heartbreak are how I’ve discovered parts of myself that I didn’t know existed and alerted me to the things I actually want and need, time and time again. And is there anything better than love? (Maybe a business class flight to Paris?)

These feelings are why I always return to this musical. Jason Robert Brown reminds me that it is a special gift to love and be loved, and I’m sure it will continue to remind me of this for another 25 years. Unfortunately, it has also taught me that this is why we have to keep putting ourselves out there, no matter how much it could hurt. Because maybe this is the time that it won’t! Maybe I’m naive to think that this kind of love is out there, but I can’t let hope die inside me completely! And no matter how optimistic I am about this, this will not convince me to re-download Hinge. That is Hell on Earth, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. I can do better than that! ⁸

1. The real real ones know I’m actually a natural blonde!

2. I will never forget seeing her for the first time on screen for my second movie back in theatres post-COVID. I went by myself to a matinee of West Side Story (2021) while visiting my brother in New Orleans. I had chills head to toe while I was surrounded by my demographic (60+ and wanting to get out of my movie while it was still daylight).

3. I will forever cackle thinking of my beloved Chicago hairstylist who told me after a break-up that I had to wait 6 months before deciding to get bangs, as if bangs were ever even on my radar.

4. Shout out to this random man on YouTube who uploaded every single grainy performance video of Sherie and Norbert that I have watched on repeat this week while writing this Substack.

5. Is this how I get canceled?

6. However, I am forever grateful for their break-up, causing Reneé to write one of the single most devastating break-up songs of all-time: In the Kitchen!!

7. I also showed this to a man on a date several years ago when we were hanging out after I sat through several of his video choices. He commented that this would now be on his YouTube search history forever, and I said you’re welcome! (If you’re wondering, did I also make him watch the 10-minute Anything Goes rehearsal performance? Whose Substack do you think you’re reading?! Of course I did!)

8. I hope you all love and appreciate how I brought this full circle with that reference.